Okay, so I've mentioned before that I suck at time management. Multiple times, actually. I suck at time management, and I suck at making friends, and I, well honestly I suck at a lot of things. And this is coming from a place of okay-ness. Like, I'm not depressed right now, I'm just trying to be realistic, so hear me out.
In any given situation where someone says something to me, or something happens that puts me in bad light, my first reaction is not to deny it and push it away as fiction. My first reaction is to try and figure out how I've been seeing myself wrong and how realistic these new revelations are. I agree with them most of the time, if I'm continuing my honesty. I'm my own worst critic by taking other's criticism and making it my own. You say I'm lazy? Yeah, probably. I'm annoying? Most definitely, and I have evidence from years of being this way. I need to gain self discipline? Obviously. I knew that already.
And here's the best part. If I'm my own worst critic, who am I to argue with these lovely citizens who agree with all my opinions? I can look myself in the mirror and know everything I'm doing wrong with my time and actions and life, and still not change a thing. Because I accept the insults and the flaws, I really have no inclination to prove myself wrong. I'm sort of losing and winning at the same time. Hey, I'm bad at lots of things, but at least I'm right about it.
I need to fix myself and I can't. I can't because I don't know how. Mind over matter, and I have such a weak mind. If anyone has a remedy, I'd be happy to hear it. Please send help, I'm drowning in the self deprecation that I'm addicted to.
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