the wait

So I have these mood swings. I'm blaming it on sleep deprivation because I need something to blame besides like hormones or something. And it's mood swings within a day too, like it restarts everyday. I generally start the day on a high of mild hysteria and just about everything is funny and I digress a lot. At some point during the day, whether it be relatively early in the morning or late in the day, there's a drop. I'm just whistling along, minding my own business and wham, mood drop. Then I can hear people laughing and not even a bit of me can find humour in the situation or the energy it would take to pretend to laugh with them. It feels sort of like this curtain descending between me and them. Some sort of glass cutting me off from the connections people make with each other. I get withdrawn and quiet, much more apologetic and submissive, and much more prone to crying. And the thing about being aware of it is that it's no longer a question of whether or not my mood will shift, but when. I have to suffer through this haze of a giggly sleep deprived high, waiting for the moment when I will no longer have the energy to smile. It's the worst wait of my life, and it happens every day. I don't really know what to do about it.