today

today I got up before the sun and wore a jean jacket instead of legitimate jeans. I was too rushed to brush my teeth.

I wrote my first blog post exactly one year ago today. I was depressed and lonely, and lots has changed since then. Many things haven't, but I'd like to think I've experienced at least some positive character development. I'm still working on it. I hope to always be working on it. To keep trying to get better, and to find that sweet spot between arrogance and constant self-hatred. I think I've tipped too far to the other end of the scale, and it's ridiculous. I still need validation and things, I'm still human, but I don't hate what I look like. I know I'm good at some things at least. I don't know. It's frustrating watching myself try to navigate this new world of self-acceptance. I just want to be better.

Life is like one giant aviary, ya know? Those things full of birds, all flapping around in this contained bubble of reality. It hurts when you get too close to the edge because you can see just how small and insignificant it all is. It hurts to be one of many flying in circles until you die. But it's also beautiful to see so many birds all trying to live the best that they can with what they have. It's incredible, really.